Endings and Beginnings (one-shot)
by Aldrea Alien
Summary: This one was kicking about in my head for some time, and seeing I have a piece with Din Lavellan and two starring Daylen Amell, I sat down and spewed out a thousand or so words as Amell, Hawke whispered in my ear about what happened straight after Kirkwall.


The campfire was little more than embers, glowing pitifully in the moonlight. Hawke lazily plucked a nearby stick from the ground and poked the smouldering logs, letting the flames naturally flare to life rather than resort to magic. At her feet, Nibbles snored on, twitching as he dreamed little doggy dreams. _At least someone's life hasn't changed_.

What a mess it'd all become. Perhaps he should've done as Sebastian suggested and made a serious bid to become Viscount. Then, maybe, she could've reduced the amount of lives taken if not stopped it all from happening. Ah, but if they'd known what she knew now, they wouldn't even have wanted her as their champion much less the Viscount.

_Champion_. What a hollow title. She was no one's champion, certainly not Kirkwall's. She was a failure.

"Hawke?"

She glanced up to find Fenris staring at her, his dark brows lowered in concern. "Sorry, I was just—" Standing, she picked her way past the sleeping lumps of her friends. "Come with me. There's something I've been meaning to tell you."

He followed close at her heels. "Is it wise to leave them?"

"They'll be fine." If anything dared to come too close, Nibbles would alert them well before she did anyway. "This is important." To her, at least. Whether he felt the same way ... well, that's what she planned to learn before Kirkwall was any further behind them.

Only once they'd left the glow of the campfire did Hawke dare to face him. She stared at him, her stomach fluttering and her tongue refusing to move. He'd barely begun to accept he was free now that Danarius was dead. Perhaps it would be better not to tell him at all.

"Is something wrong?" He gave one of those gorgeous little half-smiles that she'd instantly fallen for. "Beyond the obvious?"

_Do it already_. She'd been prepared to tell him earlier, before Orsino sent his letter and the world fractured into _us _and_ them_. It was going to be harder if he turned away now, but to hide the truth from him for any longer would be a far crueller thing to do. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath and blurted, "I'm with child."

Silence greeted her news. Hawke risked a peek to find he stared at her, his face stiff with shock.

After a time that felt like eternity, he shook himself. "Are ... are you ... certain?" His nose wrinkled and he waved her answer aside before she could speak. "Of course you are certain. I'm not—" Fenris searched their immediate surroundings, then settled upon the remains of a fallen tree. "I should've—" He gave an exasperated sigh and cradled his head in his hands. "I thought that maybe the markings had affected my ability to..." His shoulders bounced in a soundless laugh. "Evidently, I was wrong."

"I'm sorry." Hawke crouched on the ground before him. "I meant to tell you sooner, but we—"

"Sooner?" He jerked upright, the way his green eyes glowed in the dim light only increased the intensity of his glare. "You knew before … all this?"

She nodded.

"For how long?"

"Not very."

His brows knotted together. "You fought demons and abominations in your condition. You tried to take on Meredith, _alone_."

"I know, I _was_ there." She bounced to her feet and paced the clear area before the log. Her current state hadn't been the first thing on her mind when facing life or death, but she'd seen too many lives stolen to let her friends take any more blows for her sake. "And I wasn't alone." Nibbles had been at her side the whole way through the Gallows, chewing on demons and templars with equal enthusiasm. Although, judging by Fenris' expression, the Mabari wasn't enough.

"You never thought th—"

"—that I should tell you?" she finished for him, not even missing a step. "Oh now, that would've looked grand, wouldn't it? We might've both died in a mage-templar battle that I didn't want to be involved with and you think a 'by the way, I just realised I'm carrying _your_ child and think I might have been doing so for several months' would've helped matters." She glared at him, hugging herself to keep from crying. "It's not like I planned for this."

"Months?" he whispered. "You really think it's been _months_?"

She shrugged. "At least three, probably closer to four." Her suspicions started when her armour began to feel a little snug. Then she'd realised some rather important womanly interruptions hadn't interrupted for some time. The spell she'd conducted on herself had pretty much clinched it. "Look, I know this is probably going too fast for you and I understand that it's highly unlikely you'd be ready, or even want, to be a father right now." _If ever_. She didn't have ever. "But—"

He grabbed her arm as she strode by, halting her into silence. "It seems the decision has been made for me."

"That's not _entirely_ true." After everything he'd suffered through, this must feel like another leash. She wasn't about to let that happen. "I'm telling you only because you deserve to know—"

"Hawke..."

"You don't have to—" Hawke wiped her face, surprised to find her cheeks wet. After the death of her parents and sister, she'd thought nothing could make her cry. Clearly, she was wrong. She crossed her arms. "I'm not getting rid of it." She took another deep breath and the rest all came out in a rush. "I also don't expect you to stick around if this is too much for you."

His head drooped and he was silent for a good long while. "So you're planning on doing _what_, exactly? An entire city of templars knows you're a mage, they'll come after you."

"I could return to Ferelden." One more refugee fleeing Kirkwall for her homeland would hardly be of note. "Or disappear into Orlais or Nevarra. I could even stay within the Free Marches, vanish into Starkhaven." She paused, considering Sebsatian's last threat. "All right, maybe not Starkhaven, but Ostwick or Tantervale or ... or even one of the small cities." If someone like Anders could manage to evade capture for ten years within one city, then she was more than capable of avoiding the templars within the whole of Thedas.

"And if they found you?" Those green eyes beseeched her to stop, to think. To admit she couldn't do this alone. She didn't want to, but if it was her only option. "Without even factoring in how poorly you'll manage once the child grows bigger, I don't see you lasting long once you start entering battle with a baby on your back."

She didn't either, but what choice did she have there? "I don't close with my enemies to defeat them." Most of the time, only those with bows or magic ever managed to actually hit her.

He hummed. "Then it must be a completely different woman I see continuously hitting raiders with her staff."

Hawke folded her arms. "I'm capable of defending myself." So what if her tactics weren't perfect? She left every battle still standing with her foes dead or dying and that was the important thing. "So you don't need to worry."

"But I do." He grabbed her hand, drawing her closer. His arms wrapped around her waist. "I worry that I'll lose you, either to death or the templars. I worry that _you_ seem to think this is enough to pull me from your side. I won't leave." His grip tightened. "I _won't_. Not even if you command it."

"And I refuse to corral you with guilt."

Fenris stared up at her, his chin resting on the chainmail protecting her chest. "You're not. I feel like a fool for not expecting this, but..." He caressed her stomach, the tips of his gauntlets scraping along the leather lying beneath the steel links. "When I said that I couldn't stand the thought of living without you, I meant it. My place is at your side, through whatever future fate has in store for us."

Hawke brushed his hair back, revealing the rarely seen trio of dots that formed a triangle in the centre of his forehead. "It won't be easy.

He smirked, sending a small, hot trill through her body. They'd wound up in his bed the last time he'd looked at her like that. "Nothing ever is when you're involved."


End file.
